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Death, taxes, and starting 0-2 in fantasy leads to missing the playoffs. These are the only certainties in life.

We told you not to lose the first matchup. No matter what happens this season, you simply cannot lose again to start 0-2. It is the one rule in fantasy. In life.

Go 1-13 - who gives a shit - but win week at least one of the first two weeks. At 0-2, give up. The season is over, there's no recovering. Life will unravel. You'll gain weight. Get dumped. Fired. Disowned. Bankrupt.

Earthquakes. Famine. Locusts. Four horsemen. All because you started a Chicago Bear.

This is the week to play it safe. And since week 2 still involves a lot of unknowns - rookies, players who changed teams, teams with new coaches, holdouts, etc - we're giving extra points to players who play it safe. We're talking about ground and pound. Three yards and a cloud of dust. Five yard TE buttonhooks. Punting on 4th and 1 at midfield. Cover 4.

History favors the bold boring.

The Devious Dogs Fantasy League thrives on chaos, mixing classic competition with a twwist of ridiculousness. With bizarre rules like a weekly mandatory Taysom Hill roster add, managers never know if they’re building a contender or living sh*t show.

Josh Allen Goes Nuclear → Allen erupted for 394 yards, 4 total TDs, and a walk-off win vs. Baltimore… a monster 40+ fantasy point night that instantly cements him as the QB1 to beat.